Ghost Stories - The Haunted House

Mona rolled her eyes up at Frank. Idiot. He was acting if HE had found the secret entrance in the wall rather than her. She had a good mind to turn back and let Frank stand his chances of being sacrificed by the coven of she-male vampires that inhabited the dungeon of the castle.

That's where Mona had discovered the secret door. Pure luck. It had happened right after the coven had disbursed to toss lots for Frank's body parts.

From what she gathered, some parts were bloodier than others, thus more filling. To top it off, the 'girls' looked as if they were in need of some serious nourishment; pale faces, gaunt cheeks - upper and lower.

Mona wasn't certain what plans they had 'staked' out for her. Perhaps they intended to make her one of them.

She pursed her lips, looking thoughtfully at the back of Frank's bald head; what hairs that were there, were frayed. At this moment, the thought of choking him wasn't a bad idea.

"Frank, don't you think that we should be looking for a way OUT of the house rather than for a way to kill the King Vampire? That coven isn't far behind us." It was an idiot idea!

"Mona, we kill the head vampire and I tell ya, our troubles are over," Frank went on to assure, nervously running about the large room, poking his head in and out of the cubby holes that lined the large area.

"Once he's wasted, they'll all vanish, like that!" he assured, snapping his fingers for emphasis.

Frank wasn't going to find what he was looking for. This wasn't the usual house on the block - rather, a haunted house. More specifically, Frank's deceased mother's haunted house.

In fact, it had been tainted with the haunting for 110 centuries.

"Here! Here it is!" Frank yelled out, Mona certain that the belligerent coven had heard him. "Something wooden - something sharp! Get it now, Mona! Now - before it's too late!"

Mona rolled her eyes up towards the ceiling and sighed. It was useless. She was doomed. Frank was doomed.

"Look! I've found something wooden and something sharp!" he informed, pulling a twisted, splintered beam loose that had been attached to the castle wall.

Mona heard the coffin creak open. Mona heard Frank scream. Mona heard Frank's mother asking him, "I can't even die without you bothering in! When am I going to be able to get some rest?"

"Mother?"

"Yes, yes, yes. I am your mother, the Queen of Vampires. Mother of Frank. Queen of Vampires."

Mona heard her ease out a frustrating sigh, but she held her place just outside the door of the cubby hole. She didn't want the image of Frank's dead, vampirific mother burned in her memory, even short-termed as it might be.

She heard his mother continue in a frustrated tone, "Now be a good boy and go along outside and play." Then, "Mona! I smell you out there! Take Frank away so I can get some rest."

Mona had no time to react as Frank butted in, "But - but mother, there's a gang of - of pointy-teeth women running amuck. Surely they'll catch us and make mincemeat of us before we are able to see safety."

"Frank, Frank, Frank. Must I always solve all your problems, even from the grave?" his mother asked, obviously irritated. "Do you remember the bottle of pills that I gave to you on your 13th birthday, dear son?"

"Yeah. But they tasted terrible."

"Yes, that's because they should. Garlic tablets taste terrible. Now! Have you got the bottle with you?"

"Yeah."

"Good! Simply take two and you will make it to safety."

"I had always wondered what those pills were for, and why you always insisted... But Mother-"

"Goodnight, Frank!" his mother told him and Mona detected the sound of what she assumed to be a coffin slamming shut.

Mona heard Frank babbling from the other room and she wanted to slap him hard, right into the cradle of reality.

The coven would be here shortly - breaking in the room, then as Frank had referenced, they would quickly make mincemeat of them.

She heard the coffin lid squeak again, then Frank's mother yelled out to her, "Mona! If you don't get this cry baby out of here, I'll kill him! Do you hear me? He's testing my nerves and they're shaky as is..."

"Yes, mother," Mona sighed, unwillingly going into the cubby hole and plucking Frank by the nape of the neck to drag him out of the room.

Mona barely had time to fish the garlic tablets from Frank's pocket and pop two into her mouth before the coven entered the room. She reached back into the bottle, only to find it empty!

Thinking quickly, Mona yelled out in a chastising voice, "Mother??"

The lid of the coffin lifted once more and Frank's mother was obviously miffed. "Oh bother! Do I have to?"

"Mother...."

"Okay, okay..."

Mona nodded her head satisfactorily as two tablets appeared in the empty bottle.

Mona crammed them swiftly down Frank's throat, then they ran from the house, barely escaping in one piece.

Once outside, Mona opened her mouth to confront Frank regarding his idiocy that almost got them killed, but before she could speak, he told her curtly, "Well Mona, that settles it! I think that we'll definitely have to sell the house."

"You 'think' so, huh Frank?"

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